Unheard of My Last Words

As I stare at the ceiling when sitting at home
Wishing I had someone to talk to but I’m alone.
Nobody can hear me when I cry
And nobody hears my distant call.

I don’t understand what has happened to me,
Why do I feel so lost and empty?
I feel like a tool, a machine, with no soul.
There’s something missing inside for I don’t feel whole.

Will I be lonely for the rest of my life?
Will I ever have kids a house and a husband?
Shall I do the deed and pick up that knife?
Press against myself with a fine slice?
Or reflect on my health and maybe think twice?
Will there be someone to stop me and give advice?

These questions I ask but nobody can hear,
The world would remain when I disappear.
I stumble in self pity and cry my heart out,
Knowing I am not loved without any doubt.

I have heard there is nothing more pathetic than to cry for help
You either do or you don’t want to kill yourself
This makes me pathetic as well as a weirdo,
I guess it is time for me to go

I’ve disappointed my parents and that’s what hurts most.
So now its time to turn into a ghost.
However souls are ghost so I won’t be one,
The only thing I will be is gone.


p/s: I wrote this a few years back.. and each time I read it.., it freaks me out.. =/
It's weird how in the world I would think of suicide'ing'... and moreover, it sounded so cacat..eeheh.. its funny tho' and yet scaaarryy!

Listen

Every step I took...,
is always the step that I made wrong..
it will never satisfy anyone..
why?
I know I'm not perfect...!
no one is..
and so,
why am I being judge and punished by you?



all I need is for you to hear me out..
hear out my inner voice..
my thoughts..
that is all I'm asking for..
nothing else..

if only you could listen..
even just for awhile..
maybe you would understand me better..

Hanya Aku!!

Pedih...

Hati ini pedih

Tapi tiada siapa yang tahu..

Benci...

Hati ini benci

Tapi tiada siapa yang tahu..

Sedih...

Hati ini sedih

Tapi tiada siapa yang tahu..

Haruskah aku ungkapkan dengan kata-kata?

Atau haruskah aku nyatakan dengan expresiku?

Agar kau tau hati ini terluka

Bahawa hati ini pedih, benci dan sedih..!

Dari dulu hingga kini

Aku hanya ada diriku

Karna tiada siapa yang mendengar kecuali aku

Hanya Aku..!!

Kantoi..!!

Today is the shittest day of my life.. okay laa..., slalo nyer I kluar rumah mesti offline YM and facebook.. well, I dont know today kluar nak rush sgt..., thn terluper... and also I terluper nak lock my lap top.. than when i got home..., my mom muker dah lain macam... so time dinner.., die tk ckp pape.. ok fine..maybe die tk de mood.. than suddenly..., the question pop out!... Siape 'toot'...? i was like what the hell... mane die tau neh.. she started to ask me all those questions.. she said ibu bace all ur msgs kat YM.... i was freakin shock!! dammit!!!!! i forgot to offline!!!! shit!!! and i know what i wrote there....!!! mmg kantoi habis!! uuurrghh!! and time tu jugak she started to ask me... all this all that.... shiiiiiiitttt....!! I trus basuh tgn and naik...without saying anything... im so f***ed up!!


y laaa.., byk2 hari today I forgot to lock my lappy!!! arrghhh!!........................

Harlequin-type ichthyosis Disease

Harlequin-type ichthyosis (also harlequin ichthyosis, ichthyosis congenita, Ichthyosis fetalis, keratosis diffusa fetalis, and Harlequin fetus), a skin disease, is the most severe form of congenital ichthyosis, characterized by a thickening of the keratin layer in fetal human skin. In sufferers of the disease, the skin contains massive, diamond-shaped scales, and tends to have a reddish color. In addition, the eyes, ears, mouth, and other appendages may be abnormally contracted. The scaly keratin greatly limits the child's movement. Because the skin is cracked where normal skin would fold, it is easily pregnable by bacteria and other contaminants, resulting in serious risk of fatal infection.


Sufferers are known as harlequin fetuses, harlequin babies, or harlequins.


The harlequin-type designation comes from both the baby's apparent facial expression and the diamond-shape of the scales (resembling the costume of Arlecchino), which are caused by severe hyperkeratosis. The disease can be diagnosed in the uterus by way of fetal skin biopsy or by morphologic analysis of amniotic fluid cells obtained by amniocentesis. In addition, doctors can now usually recognize common features of the disease through ultrasound, and follow up with 3D ultrasound to diagnose the condition.


The features of sufferers are deformed facially and cranially. The ears may be very poorly developed or absent entirely, as may the nose. The eyelids are severely everted (ectropion), which leaves the eyes and the area around them very susceptible to trauma. They often bleed upon birth. The lips, pulled by the dry skin, are fixed into a wide grimace (eclabium). Arms, feet, and fingers are almost always deformed in such a way that they cannot bend properly, and may be below the normal size. They present hypoplasia in the fingers; therefore, they cannot grab things properly, or they can barely touch them. Polydactyly, a condition in which one has more than the usual number of toes or fingers, has also been found in these infants.


They are extremely susceptible to changes in temperature due to their armor-like skin, which prevents normal heat loss. This can result in hyperthermia. Their respiration is also restricted by the skin, which impedes the chest wall from expanding and drawing in enough air. This can lead to hypoventilation and respiratory failure. Harlequins are often dehydrated, as their plated skin is not well suited to keeping water in.


In the past, the disorder was invariably fatal, whether due to dehydration, infection (sepsis), restricted breathing due to the plating, or other related causes. The most common cause of death was systemic infection and sufferers rarely survived for more than a few days. However, there have been improvements in care, most notably the drug Isotretinoin (Isotrex). Some patients have survived into adolescence and, in very rare cases, lived to adulthood.




Ingat lagi tak video yang baby dilahirkan seperti ular...? and ramai yang ckp video tuh is unreal...?
well...., it is REAL..!! and baby tu adalah salah seorg bayi yg menghidap penyakit ni...